An Online Spanking Debate
in Rhymed Couplets


Hal wrote:

: Spanking is risky, studies show - so end it!
: (Well, birth is risky too - how to defend it?)

Chris wrote:

Birth, as Hal well knows, we can't avoid.
It is our species' legacy, anthropoid. 

Our large-brained fetuses during gestation, 
(When neural growth cones seek their destinations), 

Must grow large, roomy skulls as birth draws nigh,
Whose passage from the womb makes Momma cry!

Should some alternative exist, you know, 
To spare expectant mothers risk and woe, 

Surely we would use it!  Where's the gain,
In foisting on the mother needless pain?!

The same is true with children, can't you see?
You've used a spurious analogy!

What sense is there in hitting kids at all,
When alternatives exist?  It's off-the-wall!


: Spanking is useless as a teaching tool 
: So anyone who spanks must be a fool!


There really are some things that spanking teaches, 
As parents whack their child upon the breeches. 

Kids learn that it's the proper thing to do, 
When someone's bad behavior makes you stew, 

To HIT them really hard and make them holler. 
(But just make sure the one you hit is smaller!)

They learn that those who love you also hit you. 
That's why, your battering spouse, you should submit to! 

And should that spouse whack you and cause you pain, 
Return to them again, and don't complain! 

They learn that "he who hits hardest rules the house." 
If you don't believe it, go read Murray Straus! 


: There's always something else which you can do!
: (Of course - but what's my kid's behind to you?)>


It's really not "your" kid, though.  Can't you see?
A human child is no one's PROPERTY!

To whap around just like a ping pong ball, 
Who then grows up and takes out on us, all

The hatred, violence, and hostility,
Which they learned (literally!) at their parents' knee.

The Family Violence Surveys of the nation,
Find many a disturbing correlation,

'Tween spankings done by parents, nationwide,
And spouse abuse, depression, suicide.

Tho' correlation doesn't equal cause,
Research like this ought to give us pause!

If "your" child, whose tush you whack today,
Grows up to mug ME when I'm old and gray, 

Don't tell me that it's none of my concern,
If you should choose, your children's butts, to burn!

-Christopher, an antispanker, dour,
 who, grimly, at Hal's trolling rhymes doth glower  >:-(

 who thinks Hal's arguments aren't so "deep"
 who can refute all of them in his sleep!

Chris's Antispanking Web Page